at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
