Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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