What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
