A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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