I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
