U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
