stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
