I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
