Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
