until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
