But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
how does that bad decision feel?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
