Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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