Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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