i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
