She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
