how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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