just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize