He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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