I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we should paint friendship bongs
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