the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
