Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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