i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
