my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize