thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
