can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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