Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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