Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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