Your face is a jimmy john
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
