I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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