We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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