I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
