i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
