It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
