apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
