I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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