"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
