He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
