After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
