Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
