I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
