just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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