someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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