Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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