He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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