If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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