Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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