his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
