Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
