oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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