I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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