Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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