You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
