We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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