Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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