After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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