I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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