ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
