Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
