we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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