i barfeds in our rink
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
