epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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