That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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