hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
