don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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