I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
