I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
