Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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