Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
