I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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