my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
