I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
