Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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