I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
