I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Randomize
