Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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