I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
