coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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