I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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