I just saw a hot homeless man
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
