apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
