I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
